Self Reliance – 15 minutes to live (#TRUST30)

Day 1 prompt: 15 mins to live
Here’s what I wrote in 15 mins, without stopping or thinking:

I feel a momentary sadness for all the paths not taken and the “music still left inside of me”.

Thoughts and moments with each of my family flash through my mind…thinking on the life I’ve had with them, where they are now with their lives and their lives that I’ll miss in the future.

I quickly think through all the info that only I know about our home finances and other similar topics, making sure I don’t leave anything to be figured out after I’m gone.

I call my family and share with them what’s going on, ask them to listen while I share as much as I can in the short time I have left. I need to let them know all the unsaid things I have in my mind, tell them I love them, share my apologies for any and all wrongs, make amends, give them the last bit of advice and love I can to help their lives be better.

What seemed critical 20 mins ago now seems like a useless waste of time. I realize how shallow so many things seem while looking backwards knowing that there is no more “forward”.

I see how I would do things differently, now that I have more clarity on what the end means…not necessarily the big things, but definitely the little things. Like Twain says, I’d probably be more sad about some of the roads not taken than the mistakes I made with the ones I did take.

The paradox of kindness and intolerance comes to mind.

I would be more kind, with this new visceral feel of “it’s over” and also less tolerant of wasting time, negative situations and people, and in general “putting up with things”.

I’d share this and urge my family to be the same in the moments they have left.

Thinking about this time left and knowing that I had closure with saying goodbye to my mother, but not my father, I’d listen to what my family has to share to me. I would be bursting at the seams to share as much as I could but I would give away some of my last bit of time to them, to share with me.

I would cry, with a sense of loss, and knowing that I would miss being with them, growing old with them, and wish for just one more day with them.

After a few seconds of that I’d right myself with the knowing that rather than spending time with sadness, the only option is to make use of the remaining 4 mins the best I can.

I would create a last message to the world and ask all my friends to share it. It would be a combo message of love and peace, sharing this note to them, asking them not to waste time on small things, to share “their music” with the world, go for their dreams and do their best to make the world a better place. My rush would be to share the ideas I’ve wanted to do for so long in hopes they would find a place in people’s hearts to do for me, and the rest of the world.

A 30 second video for my family, left open on my laptop sharing my love and hopes for them

I would call my brothers and sister to let them know that I’m leaving… and to give my best friends my well wishes, thanks and last words of advice or fun.

I would pray, opening up my soul to God and what comes next.

Time’s up. Good bye.

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